Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
lottery
Why does everyone get excited when the lottery jackpot is really high? It seems like so many people MUST buy a ticket if the jackpot is over $100 million.
But if it's only at $20 million? Meh. Why bother?
But if it's only at $20 million? Meh. Why bother?
Friday, August 8, 2008
sick computer
Recently, the work computer I lovingly call Alreadycent-dx started showing symptoms of illness: removing my desktop wallpaper, producing numerous malware pop-ups, excess phlegm. I'm no techie, but I do know that computers shouldn't be producing malware pop-ups. Or phlegm. I had to face the truth -- Alreadycent-dx had a virus.
I called the computer doctor and explained the problem. He was concerned, so he prescribed some medicine that I could download and administer myself. At first the medicine worked, but soonafter, the symptoms returned.
I spoke to the computer doctor again. He told me I should give Alreadycent-dx a full examination. I did so and discovered she had many infections. I carefully cleaned and removed them, applying pressure and gauze as needed. Then I let Alreadycent-dx rest for a little while. But after I gently woke her up, I could tell she was still sick. Clearly this was no ordinary virus.
I called the computer doctor again. This time he made a housecall, thankfully. But instead of examining Alreadycent-dx at my desk, he removed a few of her synapses, put her on a gurney and rolled her away. He promised she'd be back soon, good as new. But I was worried.
A little while later, the computer doctor returned. He told me the sad truth that I had half-expected. Alreadycent-dx was so sick that he actually had to remove her brain and replace it with a new one. I was horrified. What if her memory was wiped out? What if she didn't remember me anymore?
The computer doctor reconnected Alreadycent-dx's synapses and left her with me. It's been a little while now and she seems to be doing much better. She runs faster, seems clear of malware, and hasn't had any phlegm at all.
But something just isn't right. I mean sure, she runs faster now, but she just feels...different. Fonts are a little off, files aren't where they're supposed to be, and Alreadycent-dx no longer gives me a hug when I walk up to my desk.
But I have to look at the bright side -- at least Alreadycent-dx is still here. Even if she doesn't remember who I am anymore.
I called the computer doctor and explained the problem. He was concerned, so he prescribed some medicine that I could download and administer myself. At first the medicine worked, but soonafter, the symptoms returned.
I spoke to the computer doctor again. He told me I should give Alreadycent-dx a full examination. I did so and discovered she had many infections. I carefully cleaned and removed them, applying pressure and gauze as needed. Then I let Alreadycent-dx rest for a little while. But after I gently woke her up, I could tell she was still sick. Clearly this was no ordinary virus.
I called the computer doctor again. This time he made a housecall, thankfully. But instead of examining Alreadycent-dx at my desk, he removed a few of her synapses, put her on a gurney and rolled her away. He promised she'd be back soon, good as new. But I was worried.
A little while later, the computer doctor returned. He told me the sad truth that I had half-expected. Alreadycent-dx was so sick that he actually had to remove her brain and replace it with a new one. I was horrified. What if her memory was wiped out? What if she didn't remember me anymore?
The computer doctor reconnected Alreadycent-dx's synapses and left her with me. It's been a little while now and she seems to be doing much better. She runs faster, seems clear of malware, and hasn't had any phlegm at all.
But something just isn't right. I mean sure, she runs faster now, but she just feels...different. Fonts are a little off, files aren't where they're supposed to be, and Alreadycent-dx no longer gives me a hug when I walk up to my desk.
But I have to look at the bright side -- at least Alreadycent-dx is still here. Even if she doesn't remember who I am anymore.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
empty limerick
I want to post something today
But sadly there's nothing to say
Perhaps if I rhyme
And do it in time
Then everything will be okay
But sadly there's nothing to say
Perhaps if I rhyme
And do it in time
Then everything will be okay
Monday, July 14, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
voices carry
Did Angelina Jolie need to be in Kung Fu Panda? Her character, Tigress, couldn't have had more than 25 lines of dialogue in the entire movie (Jackie Chan probably had less than 10). So was it really necessary to have a major A-list actor play the part? Her performance was fine, but shockingly, I don't think the flick would've fallen apart without her.
You see it with most of the major animated movies now -- all these big movie star names above the titles. But what's the point? The main target audience for these movies is, obviously, kids. And kids will want to see a movie whether or not some name actor is in it. Basically, I just don't see this conversation happening:
mom: What movie would you like to see?
child: I dunno...
mom: How about "Horton Hears a Who?" You know, Steve Carell is in it.
child: Steve Carell? Wowie! Let's go!
Much of this is done to market an animated movie to adults, to make them want to see it too. But does it actually work? Will mom and dad go out of their way to see a kiddie flick like Ant Bully just because Julia Roberts is in it? Somehow, I find this doubtful.
The only exception would be when a movie star uses his/her skills to creative an interesting or unusual performance -- like Mike Myers in Shrek or Robin Williams in Aladdin (yeah, I know I'm reaching for that one). But most of the time the A-listers just sound like, well, themselves. And a real voiceover actor misses out, when he or she could likely have done something more creative with the part.
child: Daddy! Daddy! I wanna see Madagascar 2!
dad: Oh yeah? You want to see it because of all those funny animals?
child: No, I wanna see it because David Schwimmer is in it!
Ok, so maybe the trend extends past the A-list.
You see it with most of the major animated movies now -- all these big movie star names above the titles. But what's the point? The main target audience for these movies is, obviously, kids. And kids will want to see a movie whether or not some name actor is in it. Basically, I just don't see this conversation happening:
mom: What movie would you like to see?
child: I dunno...
mom: How about "Horton Hears a Who?" You know, Steve Carell is in it.
child: Steve Carell? Wowie! Let's go!
Much of this is done to market an animated movie to adults, to make them want to see it too. But does it actually work? Will mom and dad go out of their way to see a kiddie flick like Ant Bully just because Julia Roberts is in it? Somehow, I find this doubtful.
The only exception would be when a movie star uses his/her skills to creative an interesting or unusual performance -- like Mike Myers in Shrek or Robin Williams in Aladdin (yeah, I know I'm reaching for that one). But most of the time the A-listers just sound like, well, themselves. And a real voiceover actor misses out, when he or she could likely have done something more creative with the part.
child: Daddy! Daddy! I wanna see Madagascar 2!
dad: Oh yeah? You want to see it because of all those funny animals?
child: No, I wanna see it because David Schwimmer is in it!
Ok, so maybe the trend extends past the A-list.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
too many sorrys
Sometimes when I walk down a hallway and turn a corner, I'll nearly crash into someone who was coming from the other direction. Most of the time, the other person will say "sorry" before continuing along their way. But why? What's the purpose of the apology? They didn't do anything wrong.
Yet, there they are saying "sorry." By their logic, should I be apologizing too since we had equal roles in the near collision? Well, it's not going to happen. I will not say I'm sorry for making a turn unless I literally did crash into them. Or accidentally spilled hot coffee all over their open-toed shoes or something.
Instead of "sorry," I choose to say "excuse me," "pardon me," or -- if I'm in more of an international mood -- "perdonamente." It just seems more appropriate.
A few minutes ago, a co-worker and I nearly collided while we each turned the same corner. At the exact same time, we both said "perdon." It was awesome.
Yet, there they are saying "sorry." By their logic, should I be apologizing too since we had equal roles in the near collision? Well, it's not going to happen. I will not say I'm sorry for making a turn unless I literally did crash into them. Or accidentally spilled hot coffee all over their open-toed shoes or something.
Instead of "sorry," I choose to say "excuse me," "pardon me," or -- if I'm in more of an international mood -- "perdonamente." It just seems more appropriate.
A few minutes ago, a co-worker and I nearly collided while we each turned the same corner. At the exact same time, we both said "perdon." It was awesome.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
resistance was futile
I couldn't stop myself. I did something I thought I'd never do. Something that will change the way I live, perhaps forever.
I bought a bluetooth headset for my cell phone.
Whenever I see someone wearing one of these in public, I wonder what they could possibly be thinking. I mean, I guess I can understand the convenience of having both hands free while talking on the phone. But is it worth looking like some sort of alien, with a colorful hunk of metal and plastic jutting from your ear?
It's worse when someone is wearing one but not actually talking on it. That person is making a bold statement. They're saying "Look at me. Look how important I am. Someone could be calling me at any moment. And when they do call, I will be ready to answer." Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that. Tool.
But at the end of the month, a new law goes into effect in California. It will make it illegal to use a non-hands-free cell phone while driving you car. Because I don't enjoy receiving tickets, and because I don't want to get hassled by The Man, I bought myself a little blue and black Motorola hands-free wireless attach-it-to-your-ear-and-look-like-an-alien headset. I feel so dirty.
I vow to only wear it while driving. I vow to always remember to take it off when I exit the car. And I vow to never take myself seriously again.
I bought a bluetooth headset for my cell phone.
Whenever I see someone wearing one of these in public, I wonder what they could possibly be thinking. I mean, I guess I can understand the convenience of having both hands free while talking on the phone. But is it worth looking like some sort of alien, with a colorful hunk of metal and plastic jutting from your ear?
It's worse when someone is wearing one but not actually talking on it. That person is making a bold statement. They're saying "Look at me. Look how important I am. Someone could be calling me at any moment. And when they do call, I will be ready to answer." Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that. Tool.
But at the end of the month, a new law goes into effect in California. It will make it illegal to use a non-hands-free cell phone while driving you car. Because I don't enjoy receiving tickets, and because I don't want to get hassled by The Man, I bought myself a little blue and black Motorola hands-free wireless attach-it-to-your-ear-and-look-like-an-alien headset. I feel so dirty.
I vow to only wear it while driving. I vow to always remember to take it off when I exit the car. And I vow to never take myself seriously again.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
down the Garden Path
new music video for singer/songwriter Shannon Hurley's "Garden Path” is up!
and like all previous videos, you can also see it at manic turtle youtube, manic turtle myspace and manicturtle.com.
the manic turtle gets around.
and like all previous videos, you can also see it at manic turtle youtube, manic turtle myspace and manicturtle.com.
the manic turtle gets around.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
When a Man Loves a Dog
I went to the Creative Screenwriting Expo a few months ago. They had this big spontaneous writing competition called the CS Open. They give you a scenario, then you have exactly 90 minutes to make up a scene that fits it. Below is the scene I wrote for the first round (you needed to score a 91 or higher to get to the second round. I got a 98).
The scenario: "Your protagonist, who has been a humble failure all of his or her life, meets up with an uber-successful high school sweetheart. Sparks fly; the attraction is still there. But both are involved and live in different worlds. Write the scene in which the sweetheart decides to try to help the protagonist -- who is not all that sure he wants to be helped. How you handle this scene, the era, setting and style -- dramatic or comedy -- is entirely up to you."
-- please forgive the shoddy script formatting --
INT. PETS N' STUFF -- DAY
JAKE, 35 and tired, looks at the dogs for sale in a row of open-air crates. Some dogs play, some sleep, some just look bored. Jake looks longingly at a small poodle.
FEMALE VOICE
Jake? Is that you?
Jake turns toward the voice but sees no one.
FEMALE VOICE
Down here.
Jake looks down and sees PRINCESS, a stunningly beautiful cocker spaniel with jewels around her neck and a golden ribbon tied around her tail. Jake is stunned.
JAKE
Oh my god -- Princess. What are you doing here?
PRINCESS
Good to see you too, Jake.
JAKE
I don't mean -- I, I'm just stunned is all. I never thought I'd see you again. At least not in person. I watch your TV show all the time.
PRINCESS
Ahh, yes. Dog in the Family. We still do pull in the ratings.
JAKE
I never miss an episode. Sometimes I even TIVO -- never mind.
PRINCESS
I need a new collar. Would you like to walk with me?
JAKE
Sure.
Jake and Princess walk down an aisle.
PRINCESS
How long has it been? Five years?
JAKE
Eight.
PRINCESS
My goodness. Time does fly. It seems like just yesterday when we met at -- what was the name of that place again?
JAKE
St. Fluffy's School for Wayward Dogs and Confused Humans.
PRINCESS
Of course. Forgive me for forgetting such details. They had me on a lot of drugs back then. I was such a wild pup.
They stop in front of some dog collars hanging on racks. Princess examines a leather collar with spiky metal studs.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
Ha! No chance I could pull off that look anymore.
Jake laughs.
JAKE
You're still beautiful. Your fur looks as thick and lustrous as it ever did.
PRINCESS
Thank you, dear. My groomers do excellent work.
Princess puts the leather collar back on the rack.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
So tell me, Jake. What have you been up to?
JAKE
Well, I got married.
PRINCESS
Really? To a woman?
JAKE
Yep. It hasn't always been easy suppressing my urges, so I just take it one day at a time.
PRINCESS
That's good, that's good.
(then)
Ahh, those were amazing times back at St. Fluffy's, weren't they? The romps in the park, drinking the water from the headmaster's toilet, those late night rendezvouses behind the kibble shack.
JAKE
The sweet taste of forbidden love.
PRINCESS
Indeed.
JAKE
But, umm, you know...I'm much happier now. It's like my doctor says -- dogs belong with dogs, humans belong with humans.
A male dog barks loudly from the back.
PRINCESS
Sounds like Rex is donw with his pedicure.
JAKE
(disappointed)
Oh, yeah. Rex, the golden retriever from Three Men and a Dog, right? I remember reading you were together.
PRINCESS
Yes, we're dating. But don't believe everything you read in the tabloids. They've had it out for Rex ever since he bit that paparazzi.
REX barks again from the back.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
I have to go. But it was wonderful seeing you again.
JAKE
You too.
Princess turns to leave, then stops herself. She extends her tail to Jake.
PRINCESS
Jake, I want you to have my ribbon.
JAKE
No, I -- I just can't. It would just be a reminder of what could never be.
PRINCESS
Don't think of it that way. Think of it as something pure and sweet. A perfect memory of our time together. No one can ever take that away.
JAKE
I shouldn't --
PRINCESS
Please, take it. I want you to. No matter what ever happens, we'll always have St. Fluffy's.
Jake slides the ribbon off Princess' tail. She starts to walk away, then turns back to Jake. They share a smile. Princess walks away.
The scenario: "Your protagonist, who has been a humble failure all of his or her life, meets up with an uber-successful high school sweetheart. Sparks fly; the attraction is still there. But both are involved and live in different worlds. Write the scene in which the sweetheart decides to try to help the protagonist -- who is not all that sure he wants to be helped. How you handle this scene, the era, setting and style -- dramatic or comedy -- is entirely up to you."
-- please forgive the shoddy script formatting --
INT. PETS N' STUFF -- DAY
JAKE, 35 and tired, looks at the dogs for sale in a row of open-air crates. Some dogs play, some sleep, some just look bored. Jake looks longingly at a small poodle.
FEMALE VOICE
Jake? Is that you?
Jake turns toward the voice but sees no one.
FEMALE VOICE
Down here.
Jake looks down and sees PRINCESS, a stunningly beautiful cocker spaniel with jewels around her neck and a golden ribbon tied around her tail. Jake is stunned.
JAKE
Oh my god -- Princess. What are you doing here?
PRINCESS
Good to see you too, Jake.
JAKE
I don't mean -- I, I'm just stunned is all. I never thought I'd see you again. At least not in person. I watch your TV show all the time.
PRINCESS
Ahh, yes. Dog in the Family. We still do pull in the ratings.
JAKE
I never miss an episode. Sometimes I even TIVO -- never mind.
PRINCESS
I need a new collar. Would you like to walk with me?
JAKE
Sure.
Jake and Princess walk down an aisle.
PRINCESS
How long has it been? Five years?
JAKE
Eight.
PRINCESS
My goodness. Time does fly. It seems like just yesterday when we met at -- what was the name of that place again?
JAKE
St. Fluffy's School for Wayward Dogs and Confused Humans.
PRINCESS
Of course. Forgive me for forgetting such details. They had me on a lot of drugs back then. I was such a wild pup.
They stop in front of some dog collars hanging on racks. Princess examines a leather collar with spiky metal studs.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
Ha! No chance I could pull off that look anymore.
Jake laughs.
JAKE
You're still beautiful. Your fur looks as thick and lustrous as it ever did.
PRINCESS
Thank you, dear. My groomers do excellent work.
Princess puts the leather collar back on the rack.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
So tell me, Jake. What have you been up to?
JAKE
Well, I got married.
PRINCESS
Really? To a woman?
JAKE
Yep. It hasn't always been easy suppressing my urges, so I just take it one day at a time.
PRINCESS
That's good, that's good.
(then)
Ahh, those were amazing times back at St. Fluffy's, weren't they? The romps in the park, drinking the water from the headmaster's toilet, those late night rendezvouses behind the kibble shack.
JAKE
The sweet taste of forbidden love.
PRINCESS
Indeed.
JAKE
But, umm, you know...I'm much happier now. It's like my doctor says -- dogs belong with dogs, humans belong with humans.
A male dog barks loudly from the back.
PRINCESS
Sounds like Rex is donw with his pedicure.
JAKE
(disappointed)
Oh, yeah. Rex, the golden retriever from Three Men and a Dog, right? I remember reading you were together.
PRINCESS
Yes, we're dating. But don't believe everything you read in the tabloids. They've had it out for Rex ever since he bit that paparazzi.
REX barks again from the back.
PRINCESS (cont'd)
I have to go. But it was wonderful seeing you again.
JAKE
You too.
Princess turns to leave, then stops herself. She extends her tail to Jake.
PRINCESS
Jake, I want you to have my ribbon.
JAKE
No, I -- I just can't. It would just be a reminder of what could never be.
PRINCESS
Don't think of it that way. Think of it as something pure and sweet. A perfect memory of our time together. No one can ever take that away.
JAKE
I shouldn't --
PRINCESS
Please, take it. I want you to. No matter what ever happens, we'll always have St. Fluffy's.
Jake slides the ribbon off Princess' tail. She starts to walk away, then turns back to Jake. They share a smile. Princess walks away.
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