marriage, touches and bumps

India is a marriage-minded culture, with a great many people getting married in their early twenties. Sometimes the bride and groom pick each other, sometimes it’s arranged by the parents. Last month, a male co-worker of mine in his early thirties (and still unmarried – gasp!) wanted to take a few weeks off because he was getting married. He was asked who the bride was, to which he responded he didn’t know yet. He had to find one. But he did indeed find someone in time and he did indeed get married – just like that.

That’s not that atypical either. A few weeks ago, I read a story in the local newspaper (The Deccan Herald, of course) about a woman on her wedding day. Just as the ceremony was about to commence, it was revealed that the groom was already married to another woman. The horrors! The bride was understandably disappointed. But another young man present said he would step in and marry her instead. And she said yes. So they got married.

The personal ads (which I assure you I peruse only out of curiosity) have headings like “man seeking bride” and are separated by religion. And some ads note that they are open-minded -- they’ll accept a mate from any religion, from any caste background. How very modern.

Despite the cultural obsession with coupling people off at an early age, it’s unusual to see a man and a woman holding hands. Public displays of affection are frowned upon, especially by “old school Indians” (that’s a technical term). And apparently this extends to a man and woman holding hands, because I’ve almost never seen it. And forget about seeing a man and a woman kissing in public. Perish the thought.

Yet it’s socially acceptable for men to hold hands with other men and women to hold hands with other women. The Indian people are very touchy feely when relating to their own gender. Friends will hold hands while walking down the street or sit with their with arms around each other in a bar. But a man and a woman doing this? Never. Or, well, almost never.

Maybe I’m just overly slovenly, but Indian men have much better grooming habits than me. Many times when I enter a public bathroom, I’ll see a young Indian guy looking in the mirror, brushing his hair. I’ll use the facilities, wash my hands and be ready to step out – and the same guy will still be brushing his hair. This sort of thing takes time to do right…apparently. And I’m not even going to get into the art of the finely trimmed mustache.

And then there are bumps. What are bumps, you ask? Bumps are when a young Indian man is picked up by his arms and legs with his back to the ground. Once this is spotted, many more young Indian men will rush over and proceed to kick him repeatedly. Occasionally one person will start from a few yards (err, meters) away, so he can get a running start and more power in his kick.

I’ve only seen bumps given at the workplace, but I’d imagine they extend to other situations as well. Bumps are given to young Indian men on their birthdays or any other special occasions. But they’re not just for special occasions. It’s always a good time to give bumps. Bumps begat laughter and merriment for all. I’m just glad that when my birthday rolls around, I’ll be back in the states.